Grief & Loss

Grief is not a casualty of the human experience; it is our birthright.

If we live and love—a person, animal, idea, place, the planet, our mortal bodies—then we live with loss.  Grief does not only exist at the funeral altar, but it is carried in our bones as we move through the world. Whether that grief is felt as a wail or a whisper- none of us are exempt from knowing the pain of loss, and hopefully, the gift of having loved.

In the West, we socially accept a narrow window for our grieving period before the message is: move on. After this time our grief is generally sequestered, shamed, buried—hidden from others and even from ourselves. Francis Weller (The Wild Edge of Sorrow) says: “When our grief cannot be spoken, it falls into the shadow and re-arises in us as symptoms. So many of us are depressed, anxious, and lonely. We struggle with addictions and find ourselves moving at a breathless pace, trying to keep up with the machinery of culture”.

Being supported in grief, whether your loss was recent or not, traumatic or expected, can be an integral part of learning to live with loss. Becoming intimately familiar with our pain unlocks the most transformative part~ the gratitude. Grief and gratitude are like siblings, and when we learn to allow our grief to exist, we can also connect to the great gift of gratitude for what/whom we have known and loved.

As a student of the teachings of Malidoma and Sobonfu Somé, as well as Francis Weller and Joanna Macy, it has been my great honor to learn how to grieve together in community (https://www.sobonfu.com/articles/writings-by-sobonfu-2/embracing-grief/). I am now offering Community Grief Tending Rituals on occasion here in Los Angeles. Please contact me for details.